I'm listening to this dumb song....idk who it is...but its dumb. ok its over. now greenday's on. UGH. ok now the radio's off.

so this weekend was good, after school friday me and jon wetn to andy's, that was really fun. then i went to sam's with britney and vanessa and that was really fun too. then gabby showed up, then jon dan rick and kurt and peter showed up so we were all just hanging out in her driveway. that was fun then, saturday....wat happened saturday.o yeah i went to NYC to see my bro and shit. no comments... then sunday  i wetn to jon's, that was really fun. it made my day...er...weekend. and today was the williamstown parade and that was boring. and now i hav to work on chemistry becuase im failing and i need to almsot finish my dils ppr. fuck! its so nice out, id rather be just hanging out outside! grrr how disappointing. maybe i can find sum ways out of doing my homework.

i hate school! its so depressing. i CANT WAIT for it to be over. but im also SO FUCKING UPSET that i dont have my fucking license. iv been like dreaming of hte day id b 16 w/ my license for my whole fucking life and i just, didnt do anythign about it. im so fuckign retarded. its the most upsetting thing. things woudl b so much easiesr. why can i b like peter or rick and just have everything with driving PERFECT with their own cars and licences. fuck :(

so upset...... .................

Currently Playing There Will Be a Light By Ben Harper & the Blind Boys of Alabama see related

I just got back from Tess's birthday party. I slept over at her house, it was pretty fun. When i got there at like 6:30, there were a ton of girls and...Joe, which was sort of funny. I felt sort of bad for him. Lets see, who was there...Ally, Nandi, Bridgette, Katie, Alaina, Sarah Burton, Sarah Dewey, Rosana, Lucy, Shan, Alex, Jen, Sophie, Anna, me and tess. i think i remembered everybody. :-p It was really weird, im not gonna lie, cuz like, i don't talk to any of those kids hardly at all, except tess and like, sarah burton. It was nice to talk to nandi and jen again, but everybody else looked like they could care less if i was there or not. i mean, it was fun, we watched chick flicks: we watched the end of "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen", and our middle school performance of Bye Bye BIrdy, which was AWESOME. and then me and jen adn tess watched Dirty Dancing 2 Havana Nights, whcih was an awesome movie. I wanna watch it again. then we wetn to bed and when we woke up we watched some buffy episodes before we ate breakfast. So now im home and its like 1:50pm and im pretty bored. after sleepovers i always feel like this NEED to go home SOON. i cant figure out why. It makes me think that it might b really hard for me to like, leave home for college and shit. But by then i'll really want to, i cant stay here in the berkshires forver. I def dont want to. We were all talking about college earlier and it got me thinking. but i dont really wanna talk anbout it, i guess theres nothign really to say. just curiosity or watever.

iv been listeing to phish adn ben harper. or, Kyler-music. Im really enjoying it and i totally thought i wouldnt. phish is really really really good. most of their songs at least. and its really easy to play on the guitar and iv just been sitting here figuring out phish songs. and ben harper's really easy too. and i love all the lyrics, its so great. as kyler says its "chill music". its true, i listen to it before i go 2 bed and its relaly nice and it makes me sleepy. now i sorta wish i was going with him and jon and whoever else to the zooma tour. i bet that would be neat....

i feel like beign creative today. idk like how, but i wanna do something... creative..? idk.......well see how my day goes.

Currently Reading Lucy: A Novel By Jamaica Kincaid see related

it has beeen a whiiiiiiile. i feel like writing though i hav nothign else to do. iv kept journals and stuff for like all of my life, and i havnet for a whiel now. so when i look back in like 20 years theres going to just b this big blank space and ill blike "hmm wat happened there??". just, xanga's so public and im not sure if i like that. theres a lot of stuff i woudl takl about but i woudlnt want ppl 2 c. but i feel like sharing so...idk. watever. ill jus write.

i hate the feeling of not knowing where im write or wrong. like, MORALS. and stuff. like mr. niemeyer was talking about. like, if MY morals are "right" to me, are they "right?" or like, are just morals in general either blakc and white right or wrong? with things i think are alright, or just "right", it usually sems that other people agree with me. but theres that one somebody who doesn agree, and thats when ti matters. does that maek any sense? its so confusing, and idk wat to think sometimes. there are so many words flying around and the one perosn that needs to understand them doesnt. i bet this only makes sense to me. watever. its nto that difficult if u use ur head.

so, softball's almost over. it was so much fun. it went by fast though, i think. i cant tell. i thin it went by fast. the games were great. well, most of them, except for when we were stuck in the rian or when the other teams beat us to shit, which was most of the time. but its still fun. i met awesome people, it feels like i acutally have freinds now. i like the feeling of hanging out with girls instead of jon ALL THE TIME. cuz he ALWAYS has his buddies to hang out with whenever the fuck he wants and im always jsut alone or watever. i think he gets mad though like when id rather hang out with my girl friends. watever, i see him enough. i have plenty of fun with him, he knwos that. i wetn over his house yesterday and it was great. hes so nice to me.

but this friday im looking forward to hanging out with vanessa and sam. hoepfuly we can pull that off. fo course im looking forward to it but i hope i dont hav ethe disappointmetn of it not going through. ill call them tonight, i guess ill b the nagotiator for all this. however the fuck you spell that.

MCAS has been a bore. i mean, its fine, easy, watever, an dits takign up class time so i wotn complain. the day goes by a lto faster. sball practice was pretty boring today. it was funny though, the girls are great. lindsay's really cool, i never erally knew her before. i made friends iht lik allt he 8th graders. a lotta ppl are liek "o thats wierd" but, watever, they're a lto like me, jsut cuz they're younger doesnt mean they're like, weirder. watever...jamie and steph and casey are really cool. i hope lie, we get to hang out sitll after softball so i cn STILL feel like i hav friends. i havnet talked to charlene or vanessa a lot lately. its really weird. i feel liek i take the for granted but every now and then i realize that things aren tliek they used to be and its really depressing. its not liek im tryign to like, look past them or leave them behind orw atever, its just, the way my scheduals workign out, and thats seriously the all of it. idk, we'll see where things lead to.

im so pissed off, i shoudl hav my license by now. im such a fucking loser, ivbeen waiting 16 years for this and each day its gettingfarther away. it sux. i need to make the calls. well softball will b over with soon enough

well i hav chores to do and cake to eat so bye